For the love of God! When will this child sleep?! **A Repost From Way Back! Because His Butt Still Don’t Sleep!**

The first night he was born, the nurses kept bringing Ronan into my room.

“He won’t stop crying.  Sorry, hon.  Maybe you should try to nurse him again.”

This went on only every ten minutes or so, until I just said, “Oh, alright already!  Just sleep in my bed with me!”

Thus began a new circle of life for Mami, parent of “The Baby Who Never Sleeps.”

Ditties (the nickname for my boobies), sleep.  Remove ditties, wake up.  Ditties, sleep.  Remove ditties, wake up…and on and on and on.  This lovely cycle was broken up by intermittent hours of filming infant Ronan with one of those old clunky cassette video recorders propped up on the couch at various times in the a.m., when only bats, owls, and other nocturnal animals roam the earth.

I began to look like one of them.  My eyes were black-rimmed.  I was in a zombie-like daze, walking into walls and forgetting proper hygiene (like actually washing myself), and I was obsessed with finding ways to get him to actually sleep without being attached to the ditty.

The Ferber Method = cry until vomit, then cry more.  Never stop crying.  Vomit.  Cry.

Daddy walking and rocking, then slipping Ronan quietly into his crib = bolting upright in 0.001 second flat.  Screaming. Vomiting.

The No Cry Sleep Solution = Ha Ha Ha Ha, yeah right.

For two years, I just caved and gave the ditty.  I learned how to sleep like a fugitive in an escape tunnel, one arm had to curl around the top of his head.  Ditty had to be fully accessible.  Pillows were aplenty, and positioned just so, to support my frozen frame.  As long as I didn’t move – at all – Ronan would sleep, nurse, sleep, nurse, and maybe some nights, he wouldn’t wake up for his 4-hour a.m. stretch.

When I finally decided to wean him (at over 2 years old – that’s another post in itself), a new cycle began in the life of Mami.

It was called, “The Child Who Never Sleeps”

Snuggle with Ronan in his bed until he falls asleep.  Wrench your body out from under his digging feet at 1 cm per hour.  Finally get out of the bed.  Lay in your own bed.  Roll over to finally sleep and immediately see a small figure hovering over you.

Walk back into child’s room.  Repeat.  4 nights out of the week, shoot footage of owl child awake with brand new fancy digital camcorder.

Flash 5 years forward, and I am still walking Nosferatu back and forth to his bed.  Still a zombie.

Everything from melatonin, vigorous exercise, magnesium, joint compression, and a trillion other things have been tried.

I have pretty much resigned myself to the idea of being an old, crabby, gray zombie.  Then we’ll call him …

“The Man Who Never Sleeps”

Feel free to send me your suggestions, please, for the love of GOD!

sleep.jpg

P.S. Don’t let this picture fool you!  I tried to trick him up by putting his little brother beside him to snuggle…maybe they’ll find comfort cuddling each other, and he won’t come looking for me!

Yeah, right.  5 minutes after I took this picture, he was hovering over me…THE CHILD WHO NEVER SLEEPS!!!!!

Ronan Art of the Day

My boo is doing some really cool digital art lately…

He entitled this “Squeaky Ball”

He’s cool.

SHIT, BITCH, DIE. THERE, I SAID IT!

Welcome to the new “testing of limits” that we have been experiencing lately! 🙂

Ro has an uncanny knack of figuring out what really gets to someone, and then he unleashes it on them – sometimes, just to get a reaction for his own amusement, other times it’s to test limits, and then sometimes it’s just to punish your ass when you wrong him! lol

This particular limit-testing (or self-amusement) has been tailored just for Mama’s benefit!

Hmm, you don’t want me to say BITCH?  Ha ha!  Bitch it is!  Shit?  Oh, now I will throw a thousand and one SHITS at you!

Die?  You don’t want me to talk about dying?  I will now shout DIE, DYING and DEATH over and over again (especially at playgrounds where little kids will whip their heads around in reaction, and their parents will give me and my Mama the side-eyed “what you talking about Willis” stare).

I will not even type the new offensive word that he discovered for my shock benefit.  He only said it once, and then I cried, so he really got that saying this one was off the table, thankfully.

What has been working (somewhat) for us is having him go into his room whenever he feels the need to repeat said offending words.  He doesn’t enjoy being limited in his environment, so a timeout in his room will usually curtail the shits and bitches, but oy, it’s a trying time when we have to leave the grocery store (after 20 bitches, shits and dies) before Mama gets the tasty food on her list!  Like Joey…Mama doesn’t share food!!!!  So, this is not a particularly good experience!

Hopefully, you will laugh at my sharing of this someday, Ro, because it is quite funny (but not when I have to leave my Fage in the cart because a Nana in Market Basket is about to flap back onto the linoleum after hearing you yell BITCH at the top of your lungs!).

XOXOXO

**THE MAMA OF THE DAY** TIME FOR CAVE(WO)MAN DIET. AGAIN.

Around last year’s holiday season, Mama hit an all-time poundage record for herself. I’ve always been really lucky to have inherited both of my parents’ insanely super metabolism, so this came as a Mama-slap to her face.

I was fat. There’s no other way to say it…except muy gorda…yes, that too.

Anyway, I’ve blogged about this before.  A lot.  But it’s food, and Mami likey!!!

So anyway, last summer, I lost 23 pounds! Whoo hoooooo!!!

I’ll tell you how I did it. It was SO easy! I was able to eat whatever I wanted, and I never exercised!!!!!!

No, not really.

I exercised 5 days a week, and I ate the caveman diet.

For those of you who don’t know what the caveman diet is…let me fill you in.

When Ronan was a baby, he ralphed like a spigot after every meal. Despite that, he was 30 lbs. at 10 months. Come to find out, he had reflux, so he kept wanting to eat, eat, eat and nurse, nurse, nurse, to soothe his upset tummy.

When we found out that he was so sensitive to food, we met with a Pediatric GI who recommended an exclusion diet. Hmm. Mama’s family is Italian and Puerto Rican, and we LOVE all food. Exclusion!? Wha-wha-wha-WHAT?

No gluten, casein, soy, nuts, or sugar. Oy. What’s left?

Lean meat. Some fish. Eggs with caution. Fruit. Veggies.

We dubbed it “The Caveman Diet”.

It has since been given a fancy name…The Paleolithic Diet, or Paleo Diet…um, it’s CAVEMAN DIET!

Anyway, after 3 weeks on the caveman diet with Ro, I lost about 25 pounds! Sweet!

So, I tried it again last summer. After a month, I lost 23 lbs!!!

Sadly, during the holidays, I gained back about 15 lbs.  Yeah.

Time for the caveman diet again.  And exercise – never my favorite, but I love how I feel when I’m done.

I try to walk/run 3 miles 3-5 times a week, and sometimes I do Pilates, Yoga or lift some little weights, but mostly it’s about not eating Dunkin Donuts and then having 2 servings of Carvel ice cream cake with Papa Gino’s pizza every day (hey – you know you’ve done this too!).

And it’s the caveman diet.

Hopefully, by July I will be able to fit into my cute clothes for my niece’s wedding in Malibu.  I hung my skinny jeans on the wall for inspiration.

No, this is not me, but she looks sort of like my mother, so I put that in to scare me into laying off Ma’s fudge.  It’s working – a little bit.

The Boys of the Day.

This pic isn’t the best quality, but I love how real it is.  Lowie is biting his nails, and Ro is relaxed and just watching.  These are the simple moments that make me pause……..

I’m a lucky Mama.

CARD Founder on “The Doctors” This Friday.

Doreen Granpeesheh will be on The Doctors this Friday!  She did an evaluation on Ro in Tarzana, CA when he was 2, and she was fabulous.  I can’t wait to see what she says…

Click on the link below for the info….

http://www.thedoctorstv.com/main/show_page/D2151

Lucky.

**THANKS TO THE TRAY FOR LETTING US BORROW THIS…IT IS AN ELABORATION ON MAMA’S USUAL SLAP-DOWN TO WHINING (MY OWN INCLUDED), WHICH CONSISTS OF: AT LEAST I DON’T LIVE IN DARFUR!**

Previous Older Entries