Modern McCarthyism, only this time it’s for reals! We ain’t quacks!

As I sit here listening to Ronan playing his piano, tunes by ear, his savantism in full swing, I wonder what he would have been like if we had known.  Had there been immune testing available, had we kept a safer shot schedule, had there been green vaccines – what kind of Ronan would we have here sitting next to me at his favorite place to be – his music seat. 

And all I think about, all I wonder is, how much anxiety, fear and pain could my child have been spared.  Everyone has their problems, challenges and hard lessons to learn.  But if my baby could have even one day where he didn’t work so hard at asking me for something, if he didn’t have so much anxiety over stopping at the train tracks or hearing a loud noise or tasting something mushy.  If he didn’t get sick so much and have to work SO HARD at reversing his pronouns in the proper order, EVERY DAY, over and over and over – if he could converse with a friend, or even make a friend, if he could have had a life with just a little less of a struggle – and I know every kid is different, and all kids have their own things that they struggle with, but I’m sorry, this is AUTISM, THIS IS DIFFERENT.  This is my child with pain that might have been eased. 

And I think, autism or whatever, no matter what, he would still be Ronan, we would love him as much either way- and he was always destined to have a love affair with his music, albeit, maybe he would have been a little more at ease with life. 

Here’s footage from the rally in D.C. that made me bawl…

4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Steve Jameson
    Jun 05, 2008 @ 01:30:57

    Hi, my wife stumbled upon your blog. There is a strange connection here unless, of course, you’re a plant by big pharma to try and stop my wife’s articles.
    -Steve Jameson (father of Ronan Jameson-vaccine injured/autistic)


  2. ronanjames
    Jun 05, 2008 @ 01:34:40

    Awesome connection indeed! I don’t really think Big Pharma would like me as a plant though. Have you read my blog thoroughly? lol
    Umm, pharma supportive it is by FAR!


  3. ronanjames
    Jun 05, 2008 @ 01:35:54

    Love your boy’s name!! Ronans (with James in their names) are the bomb! I plan on scouring your wife’s blog tonight. Thanks for sharing.


  4. ronanjames
    Jun 05, 2008 @ 01:48:44

    Ummm, I just read some of her blog and thanks, I am crying again!
    Wow, really strange connection!!
    Anyway, my son never did the “all of a sudden I can speak” thing that you sometimes hear about. Every pronoun, verb tense, request, question, comment, etc. has been and is still a struggle EVERY day. This is an emotional exhaustion that most parents of NT children don’t understand.
    I don’t know if he will ever converse like my 3 year-old does.
    I am coming to terms with Ronan in the “take him as he comes” approach. Every day it gets easier to do this. And every day, I cry for his struggle.


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